Sharing Happiness and the Shallowness of People

I try every day, to put a smile an another's face; it feels good to make others happy and feel good, most of the time. Then there are days when I am reminded why I have chosen to live a life similar to a hermit, keeping to myself, not speaking or talking to anyone or many, because too many people are just not nice in this world. So many are hateful, irritating, rude, ill mannered or just cold in the way they deal with others, how they speak to them or ignore them, making those good hearted people feel like crap. That makes things hard when people actually meet or speak to nice people who just genuinely want to see others happy. I mean really. Why is it so hard to be nice to others or why is it hard to accept that others just want to be genuinely nice to you? Without any other thoughts or feelings other than wanting one's happiness? Its crazy. I've tried time and time again to befriend people and sometimes with success, although I admit, I am sometimes a bit odd, weird, dorkish, etc. So what? It makes me unique I feel and isn't that what is important? Also, I am accepted by my family as I am. But to be accepted by others, well whoa Nellie! Its like a Spanish inquisition or like one is trying to 'invade' another's life with your not so exciting life or even worse, trying to take another's friend from someone else. I would never want to do that. I love seeing great friendships between others and I appreciate them and respect them. Why in Hades would I want to try to 'invade' that? I'm just trying to be nice. Why is it so hard to appreciate that? If my friendship is not wanted, so be it, I can move on. Sure, it hurts I will admit that, to be told your friendship is not that important or wanted or needed or worse yet, to be shoved to the side and ignored, giving the person who is trying to give friendship a HUGE sign; GET OUT OF HERE, YOU ARE NOT WANTED!! YES! IT HURTS! But oh well. I've been through it, enough times to know not to get close to many people because I know eventually, they will not have the dedication I have always had for a true and lasting friendship and being that most people cannot see more than one person (friend wise) to be someone whom they truly care for and love and want to speak to, I often am left to my own devices and I am completely happy being me and who I am, without anyone else, on the most part. I have my family and they love me and help me be a stronger me, a stronger wife, mom and friend when I choose to take on a new friendship. My family has always been very supportive of any friendships I have had with others. Why? Because they know, that when I care for someone, I care deeply. When I love someone, I love truly. When I decide to be someones real friend, right there till the end type of friend, even though I will have times when I am playing with my grand baby or outside with my family or cleaning etc, sure i get busy sometimes, no matter what, I will/would ALWAYS make time for my friend, any time, day or night. I can do Facebook, messengers or text messaging and even, if necessary, speak on the phone, although I do tend to have a slight phone phobia and dislike being on the phone but I will for people whom I care for and love. But it is too often when others are not the same way. They choose to completely block others out of their life if there is a guy or gal in their life. So when they are with them, no one else matters. But it has never been like that with me and my husband and my family has ALWAYS respected that in me and encouraged those strong friendships of mine when I have had them. They know, that if I care for that person, they must be a good person, strong willed, good hearted, loving, just an all around great person and because of that, even they are willing to do whatever I ask of them to help that person if we are able to do so. Its just that simple. But not so with others. I just don't get it. My husband says I am naive and that others tend to think of themselves so much so that others, like me, get hurt in the end because I am not important in their life as they are in mine and that it is just the way people are. I try hard not to think of people like that and try to give others the benefit of the doubt although, I end up getting hurt in the end by doing so. It just seems as if so many people are just shallow. I mean to the point of painfulness and often ugliness. They choose to ignore the needs and feelings of others because it does not 'fit' their ideal thinking of what life is or should be. But really?! I mean life does not have a rigid set of rules that we all have to live by. Its meant to be lived and shared and loved through. Its meant to be shared. Its meant to be energized and relaxed, given and taken, happy and sad and on occasion shallow but on the most part, deep and meaningful. WHY! Why must people feel that if they don't have a certain amount of money or a certain number of friends or a certain number of 'things' their life is not complete? That their life is not Ok and if those around them do not 'fit' into their thinking, then they are not important? Shallow thinking, that is why! Too many people just think one way and only that way and don't have any give or play in their thinking of how others can be or should be or will be, when it comes to their own life. I'm not talking about giving on your serious beliefs, like your religion, but give in your thinking that others have the right to their own religion if they so choose. Giving in the thinking that not everyone is an ivy league person or likes fantasy or fiction or shopping or drinking or partying or cussing but to know that some people do, accept them for who they are and what they want in their life as long as you are not being 'forced ' to change. I'm not saying its Ok to have to accept someone who is a drunk or a druggie. No, that's not what I'm saying at all. Those who you don't not feel are 'kosher' in your life or are not a healthy influence in your own or your family's life, then so be it, they don't need to be, but accept that not everyone is going to think like you and encourage yourself and your family to live beyond what is right in front of you and to expand their thinking and thoughts and beliefs. That is what makes our world so much more interesting and colorful! I love seeing others beliefs and thinking. It brings the world to life in my eyes and brings a rainbow of people because of their thoughts and love and happiness. That is the beauty of allowing others to touch your life. But if you are shallow, that just won't happen and this world would become a slow death for us all if we all decide to not encourage the happiness and life of others to be bigger and better than it is today. To be greater than it is today. That would truly be sad. So, I just don't take to people very well anymore and if I do, I have seen something in you that is truly good. I have seen something special and respect those qualities although I still don't get too close until i know my true friendship, and everything that entails a true, strong friendship, is wanted and encouraged by them as well. Otherwise, I realize on the most part, I am just a sound board or someone they can turn to but not befriend and as much as it could hurt, I don't allow it to do so much anymore because I realize how people are and I'm ok with it as long as I set my own thoughts and boundaries. I continue to try to help others. I continue to try to make others happy and smile. I continue to try to do for others if I can, whether they know I have helped or anonymously. I continue to try. That is what its all about. Keep pushing forward with love and happiness and smiles, sharing that gift with others to hopefully, help another, have a good or better day. Isn't that what life is supposed to be about? Sharing love and happiness, whether it is returned or not? This is my life, sometimes a lonely life, but I have learned to accept that and I keep pushing on, pushing through. I will survive, with or without reciprocation from others, as long as I can keep getting happiness through to others; my job, my life, is good :-)

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