Random thoughts and feelings, scattered and splashed upon a page from what was to what is now. How life, laughter, pain and love can get one through life, by putting pen to paper, by giving hugs, by loving life, by getting angry, by crying and by, LIVING LIFE!
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How to know the truth? Harder than it seems...
Knowing others had been a gift I used to own right well. I could be speaking with a person, or meet a person, and just 'know' about them. If they were scummy, truthful, a liar, good hearted or what have you. But in this day and age of cell phone and internet conversations, how can one truly know the other person is being completely truthful. I know I have a really hard time knowing and get both hurt and duped by those who I 'think' I can trust and know they are saying what they feel, what they think and believe are being honest with me wholeheartedly but, in all reality, they are just telling me what I want to hear; just wasting time with me cause they are bored or need something to do; killing time so to speak, till the person or people whom they want to talk to or be around, finally get to them or call/text, etc. It can get really frustrating for someone who is about as honest as you can get, to deal with those who are not. A lot of people will tell me, 'fuck em' but how do you get to feeling like that, about almost anyone or everyone? I just don't get it, I really don't. I have asked quite a few people how and why they can be like that and they, on the most part, say they just can; But how? I just can't. I hold pain for long long times, whether it be done to me or whether it be me the one who caused pain and if I know I have, it eats me alive for a very long time till I can put those feelings into 'that lil place' where you try to forget things, but they are never truly forgotten, how bad of a person you were or the bad things you said or done or the same that had been or is being done to you. maybe that is part of the reason I am so heavily medicated anymore, partially at least. I just can't deal with so much of life anymore....Its all so confusing and painful and at times, scary....I know this sounds like possibly poor pitiful me, but, its not...I'm just speaking my thoughts. I know I only have one or two people who actually read this and I think they know me or how I feel already...just trying to, get it off my chest I guess :-/